Dota Post

This is a damm f-king funny (DF) post. Thanks for william for bringing it to my attention. i removed some of the ones that dun apply to us and aren't that funny.

http://forums.dota-allstars.com/index.php?showtopic=117807&st=0 for the full article.


The Wannabe Hero

Whether it be taking all the leavers items, farming up until late game and getting Beyond Godlike all of a sudden, or posting hundreds of replays on Dota-Allstars.com as hans2; this guy will go out of his way to get the phatest of lewt, highest amount of XP etc. He will probably not help you in a gank unless he's 100% sure he'll get a kill and make himself look good. Wait til late game and let him carry the team.These guys could be a blessing come the 50th minute mark. Or if not then they're as useful to the team as 3 Lothar's Edge's on a Stealth Assassin. Hey, what can I say? You play to win, you play to look good infront of everyone.

Strategy: Deny and harass until he gets pissed off and ragequits. If he stays then applaud the other players on his team and he'll also get pissed off.

Preferred Heroes: Clinkz, Clinkz, Clinkz, Naix

Comments: occassionally can be applied to MR Emo when emoness lvl is 18.


The Rambo

Step 1:
Ever seen guys who will rush into a fray of 5 enemy heroes and die ( yes we do by the nick of THX)

Step 2: then start spamming words to the effect of "ZOMG NOOBS YOU DIDN'T HELP ME!!!! (Rambo has left the game). (k THX doesn't leave he just repeats step 1)

These guys have a seriously difficult time figuring out when a gank is coming, what minimap pings mean, why 5v1 is not odds to be proud of etc. My advice to these guys: "Stay the hell away from casinos." Often they're colorblind (I kid you not I got a friend on Bnet who is colorblind and gets confused when he sees the minimap) or they're still between being a noob and being an average player.Strategy: Let him feed!Preferred Heroes: Centaur, Bristleback

Comments: *drum roll* PAstor Teo springs to your mind instantly doesn't he? of course he doesn't quit...and doesn't swear at us (he casues emoness lvl to rise to lvl 16 though if on same teamwith mr emo) And of course our mr rambo is moore rambo-er than that. heck he doesnt use tankers to die. heroes like Phantom.lancer, viper, AM etc weak hp heroes do tend to pop up in his selection. HAHAHAHAHA

The Newbie

A newb and a noob are too different things. A newb is a new player who will contribute to the team and follow orders and generally ask question which will make him a better player. A noob is someone who has played for over a year and still get owned by everyone and spams in chat and ragequits after dying. Newbies should be treated with care and caressed... Maybe not caressed but you should all help these people out and give them pointers.

Strategy: Tell him that to win the game all you have to do is reach the enemy fountain. (I ain't joking, it's actually worked for me once. Yes, I am slightly sadistic.)

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Sniper

Comments: Just 1 word for this article....EDWARD

The Silent Veteran

These are the ones to watch out for. During pre-game chat they'll say very little. After getting a triple kill they'll say nothing. Even after getting Beyond Godlike they still won't gloat or show off the fact. Why don't they speak much? Because they're so good that they're used to owning and also they're too jaded to speak to random people off the internet.

Strategy: Either run or gank.
Preferred Heroes: Any

Comments: Occassionally i'm this. or rather i used to be it. William too if he wants it. BUt now since i'm plaaying less dota...


The Leader

Usually a player will start pinging ganks and typing "b" or "push" into team chat. These people are the leaders and generally have a good strategic look on things.

Leaders are vital to victory during a game.Either that or they're power tripping. You be the judge.

Strategy: If you find out who's calling the shots on the enemy team, gank him while a lone hero on your team does a blind push and then retreats. He'll be too busy typing and signalling for everyone to gank that he'll be vulnerable for about 5 seconds. And if you actually believe this piece of advice then I recommend also getting Agannim's Sceptre on Naix.

Preferred Heroes: Techies

Comments: Czy, william and i. (only applys to zy if he doesnt suffer an emo hemorrhage. Pple like us have to really flood the screen with "b" or "push" when the "rambos hx" and "newbies ed" are in the game. It's more like ED!!! HX!!! BACKK!!! B!B!B! *player hx,ed just got killed by enemy player, Double kill!!!* *moanful and resigned sigh by teammates*

The Quitter

These people are defeatist in nature. Your team may lose all its outer towers and one inner tower and these guys will be the first to say: "GG." They'll also be the first to quit after an entire lane full of rax has been owned. These people have lost the fight before it's even started so the best thing to do is to run back to fountain once they've just been owned and ragequitted.

That way you can call first dibs on their nice items

Strategy: Gank him a few times and it'll be 4v5.

Preferred Heroes: Any

Comments: 1 word again: MR EMO! (enuff said)


The Never-Say-Die

Gotta love these guys. The exact opposite of the Quitter, these people will stay til the very bitter end and will often be seen defending the lone Throne all by himself against 5 enemy heroes. Give these people a compliment since they're a dying species. Heck give em a war medal since they probably fought in the trenches of World War 2 in a previous life

Strategy: Poor lad. Go easy on him unless he's owning your entire team using the leavers items.
Preferred Heroes: Any

Comments: I'm usually this. i swear! but as william says, once i'm 0-5...i do get emo. sure i whine and such..BUT I never quit. hell...just last week i had a 1-9 potm game. GODS!!!! DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR!!!!!
(now u know why when i see zy quitting i become super irritated)

The 12-Year Old

"ROFL PWNED LMAO!" Yep, these kids have just hit puberty and have raging hormones. They should probably be venting this rage on Counter-Strike but here they are on Dota. During pre-game chat they'll be saying all the stupid goofy stuff. The good thing about kids is they're easy to own due to their slower brains and bad judgement.

Strategy: Do what I do in real life. Ignore little kids. There are more productive ways to spend your time.

Comments: I love irritating such fookers.

Case 1:
Once i irritated him so much he challenged me to call him on his hp and provided me with his no. After the usual i belong to so and so gang blah blah blah. Counter challenge: I called his bluff, gave him my no, and my name (no bluff since i'm they are all bluster only) and told him to call me if he had the balls.

End story? He didn't. left irc after i riddculed his immaturity and pitiful bluffs.

Case 2: Ivan asked me to help him last time i remember. we were in the same game. neatly sliced diced and riddiculed our fellow teammate who was so so obnoxious. Think ivan forgot abt it. (to give u a hint ivan, it was the guy who with his friend who asked me something abt why use a different word when the same word works or some shit like that. My reply was: " why do u think there's a thesaurus?" *hmm...dare to challenge a person doing a double major in English.. 不之量力. * I love doing that to their kind. Puncuture the wind out of their pompous ass.

The Coward
See trouble. Run to fountain.These guys are as useful to your team as a chair is to a whale.Need I say more?

Strategy: Gank them from behind. This confuses them as the fountain is also in the direction of danger for them.
Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Sniper, Clinkz

Comments: *re-enactment from past game*

Victor: " all right ivan, if u and me it will be us 2 against them 3 but i knwo we can win let's go!" Victor rushes out, gets decimated skinned and gutted alive. Looks back to see ivan half way back to the fountain with full hp.... -_- *screams a very loud sound of frustation*

*end of re-enactment*


The Know-nothing Know-it-all

"STFU NOOB. I know what I'm doing. Dagon on Juggernaught is the way to go." ( u have to love this comment guys)

Ok so they managed to own a noob using their lame build and from then on they stuck to it. No matter what you do, they'll still stick to their original decision and get their Agannim's Sceptre for Phantom Assassin or Eul's for Naix.

Strategy: Tell them that getting the Dagon for Juggernaught was a nice idea and also tell them they should get a Mystic Staff so they can spam Dagon.

Comments: Almost busted my sides laughing out this one.

The Unaware

So you just got ganked by 2 enemy heroes while your ally is beside you creeping. They still don't know what happened. These players will frustrate you to no end. Their slow reflexes mixed with their lack of sight makes them a major liability.

Strategy: Blinks and stuns. They won't know what's going on. (*shudders* can anyone remember the time when ed 1st fought against a Phantom Lancer? i really really really wanted to cry during that game.)

Comment: God alone knows how true this is when u play with/against ed. any slower in his reflexes it will seem that FV did his ulti. But i'm sure ed will get better....i think...hope...in abt the time it takes for Warcraft IV to come out.


The Dual Bracer IdiotStart game.

Buy two bracers. Repeat for every single game.Also known as the Quad Circlet Hobo or the Mass Branch Bandit.Be careful or else they will jump out at you with +8 DAMAGE!

Strategy: Beware early to mid game!

Comments: Sometimes i see ivan buying this i can sigh. But this is good for very low hp NON STUNNERS /WW heroes. for ivan...he gets this regardless of what heroe he gets lol.

The Power Tripper

Also known as the Pub Stomper. These guys are extremely pro that they're currently playing in leagues, inhouse leagues, etc. They know how to use every hero and every item in Dota and all the basics like last hitting and animation canceling and juking etc. and can do all that without any effort at all.But when it's a full moon watchout! Out of nowhere they'll join a pub game or a noobs only game and use all their power and abilities to completely pwn everyone while juggling eggs at the same time.Why? Because complete and utter domination makes them feel good. Bastards!

Strategy: Pray to god they have 4 feeders on their team.

Comments: Does the name Jon rings any bells? Complete utter omfg-nish ownage to whichever team had him. 1v3 heroes and he still can kick ass and come out with a decent amt of hp. Too bad he stopped playing. Heck...he made us look edward-ish. He probably stopped because we were too noob for him lol.

Hope u guys enjoyed the post. hehe i know i did.